Saving grace
by Alliegirl
Summary: If you met the person who was forever going to change your life, how would you know them?
1. Proving them right

A/N I sat down to write new chapters for Aftermath and Waiting room and this came out. Let me know what you think.  
  
Well, he'd done it. He now knew the exact low point of his life. A few years ago if you would have asked him where he'd be in two years this wouldn't have made the top 50, hell it wouldn't have made the top 1000, yet here he stood.  
  
He didn't have to be here, he knew it. He could still feel Luke's money, which had been weighing his pocket down for the last two weeks, but he couldn't do it. Call it pride, call it whatever the hell you want but he couldn't use the money.  
  
Maybe it was the fact that he hoped he could one day walk up to Luke and put the damn envelope back in his hand, prove that he hadn't needed help, that he'd made it on his own, prove them all wrong.  
  
Jess looked up at the old run down apartment building and had to laugh. Prove them wrong? If anything he'd just proven them right. The building had been built in the early 70's, it had closed sometime in the early 90's because of financial trouble and had sense been used as a home by just about every junky, runaway, and homeless person in the city.  
  
He and his 'friends' used to skip school and come down and toss rocks at the building to see who could break the most windows, the evidence of their work remained to this day. Jess never thought he'd end up here but he'd already called in every favor owed to him. There was nowhere else to go, and it was just for one night, at least that's what he kept telling himself.  
  
*******  
  
In reality I stayed two nights. The first night I needed a place to crash and my choice to stay a second night had less to do with me, and more to do with her.  
  
Who is she?  
  
Oh, right we haven't gotten there yet. I don't want to give the whole thing away so I won't tell you anything except that she saved me.  
  
As cliché as it sounds she gave me the reason I needed to change. I'm not saying it was easy. It wasn't. I doubted my choice constantly. Asked myself what the hell I was thinking, if I was thinking at all.  
  
Looking back now I realize I didn't have a choice. One look in her soft blue eyes and that was it. It just took me a bit longer to admit that it was it. . .or well you get it.  
  
I'm not a poet or anything. I hate poetry actually. They take forever to get to the point, its like, shut up with the rambling already and say it.  
  
Sorry, got a little side tracked.  
  
Where was I?  
  
Oh, right. I'm not a poet. I don't always have the right words to say to describe something, but I'll try. . .  
  
She was amazing. . .no, well yes she was amazing and perfect, but that's not what I wanted to say. . .  
  
Shit.  
  
Look, she was the answer to the question I didn't know I was asking.  
  
She was my saving grace.  
  
A/N Hey, be sure and R&R and tell me what you think so far.  
  
Also, I borrowed the idea for the character thing at the end from Kallysten, she writes amazing Buffy fan fic. If you like BTVS you should check them out. 


	2. Meeting Brenna

A/N I want to thank Smile1, cellardoor, and punkcatwitissues (I love that name). Thanks for the reviews.  
  
The important moments in life aren't always accompanied by flashing lights and crashes of thunder. Sometimes they are very quiet and unassuming. So that if you blink you'd miss them. *got that from a story I read by moxie a spuffy writer*  
  
Jess walked up the cracked cement steps and up to the entrance door. He grabbed a hold of the doorknob and gave it a turn, pushing the door slowly open.  
  
When he was a kid he and his friends used to dare each other to go inside. Almost every kid made it to the top step and could go no further, Jess included. One kid had made it as far as the door and had pushed it open. He'd stood there for what seemed like ages while the other kids anxiously waited for his next move from behind a chain link fence. After a few moments he'd turned, screamed, and took off running down the sidewalk. No one ever knew what exactly he'd seen, he never wanted to talk about it, and no one was brave enough to go see for themselves.  
  
Jess walked into the building, the floor creaked in protest to his weight. There were five people in the front entrance. One was curled up beneath a window, covered by a tattered blanket. Another was curled up on a worn couch. Two more were huddled together behind a desk, oblivious to the fact that he was standing there, and from the looks of it they were so high they wouldn't have noticed if god himself had entered. The fifth man sat directly to Jess's right, and from the sound of it he was having a very heated conversation with himself.  
  
"Just one night," Jess assured himself quietly as he walked up the stairs to the second floor.  
  
Once there he scanned the hall for an acceptable apartment. The first one he came to was missing the front door, and the people inside were the type of people he didn't want to share a planet, let alone a room with. The second room had a door, but it also came with some suspicious grunting noises that he didn't want to know anything about.  
  
They say the third time is a charm, and Jess certainly hoped that was right. He stopped outside the door and listened intensely. Once assured he wasn't in for an unwanted peep show or some crazy he turned the knob and pushed the door open.  
  
The first thing his eyes landed on was a woman sitting on the floor, her back to the wall and her legs stretched out, holding a smocking cigarette between her fingers.  
  
"Oh," he said, backing up and pulling the door closed as he went.  
  
"You can come in," she said, taking a drag from her cigarette and blowing out the smoke towards the open window, before turning back to him. "I don't bite."  
  
Jess still didn't move, and that seemed to amuse her enough to get the corner of her mouth to lift slightly. "Although if you'd rather go to 22B I'm sure they'd be more than willing to have you," she said sweetly. "Although I should warn you, people who stay there are likely to wake up alone and poorer than when they went in." Jess still hadn't moved, but she kept talking. "Or maybe you'd like to stay with Heather and Todd," she said, giving him a once over. "You look like their type."  
  
Jess threw a glance toward the apartment the grunting and now a loud chorus of, "Yes," and "Fuck me," were coming from and grimaced. He entered the apartment and shut the door, which muffled the shouts from the next apartment.  
  
"Good choice," the woman said, giving him a ghost of a smile.  
  
Jess set his bag down on the floor and lowered himself down next to it. He glanced around, the place really was a mess, broken cabinets, chipped paint, broken doors.  
  
"I'm Brenna," the woman said, causing Jess to snap his gaze back to her.  
  
"Jess," Jess said, taking her offered hand and shaking it, her hand was frail, he was almost afraid he'd brake it.  
  
"That's Aldora," Brenna said, gesturing towards the car seat that rested next to her.  
  
Jess glanced at the sleeping baby, bundled up to ward off the chill coming in through the window. His first thought when he saw her was that she didn't belong here. She belonged in some comfy room with clouds painted on the ceiling.  
  
"This your first time here?" Brenna asked, drawing his attention away from the sleeping bundle.  
  
"And last," Jess answered, pulling his coat tighter, trying to ward off the chill.  
  
Brenna laughed, snuffing out her cigarette. "I thought that too when I first got here. Wanna know how long ago that was?" she asked. Jess didn't answer, but that didn't stop her. "A year ago."  
  
"Well then it's a good thing I'm not you," Jess snapped. He didn't want to think about being here any longer than tonight.  
  
"Yeah," she said, studying him intensely. "I suppose it is."  
  
They were silent for a few moments before Brenna asked, "So what's gonna get you outta here?"  
  
"I've got a job interview," Jess answered. For some reason it didn't bother him that she was asking all these questions. He figured she didn't have many people to talk to, between the drug addicts, sex addicts, and the schizo's. And Aldora didn't seem like she'd be able to hold much of a conversation.  
  
"That's good," she said, and then paused. "What about family?"  
  
"What about it?"  
  
"Don't you have any?"  
  
"Yeah, I got family," Jess answered. "Biological anyway."  
  
"They won't help you," she pressed.  
  
"I'm sure they would," Jess answered. "But I don't need their help."  
  
Brenna put her hands up, in mock surrender, obviously having heard the warning in his voice. "Sorry I asked."  
  
They sat in silence once more, and Jess found his eyes once again drifting to the sleeping Aldora, she pursed her lips in her sleep. Jess had never been a baby person, but he defiantly knew the difference between an ugly baby and a cute baby, and Aldora was defiantly cute. . . beautiful even.  
  
"You wanna hold her?" Brenna asked, when she noticed Jess gazing at the baby.  
  
"No," Jess said, emphasizing the statement with a shake of his head. "I'm not a baby person. I'd probably drop her on her head."  
  
"That's what her father said," Brenna explained. "Then he left. I guess he really meant the whole "not a baby person' thing."  
  
"Sorry," Jess said, looking anywhere but at her. He didn't know why he felt so guilty. He hadn't run out on her and her baby.  
  
Brenna waved his apology away like it was an annoying fly, "I don't need pity," she stated.  
  
It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her what it was that she did need, but he held it back, and they once again lapsed into silence.  
  
Brenna turned her gaze skyward and sighed. "I love the stars."  
  
Jess glanced out the window. "Yeah," he agreed, wishing the lights worked so he could read.  
  
"Do you know any?" she asked.  
  
"You mean besides the big dipper?"  
  
She smiled faintly. "I know the north star. It guides you home when you're lost."  
  
Jess looked away from her. There was something in her voice. He just felt like he was interrupting a private moment.  
  
Brenna suddenly turned to Jess with a knowing expression on her face. "You're gonna get out of here," she assured him. "You're going to be great."  
  
Jess couldn't explain it, but for some reason he believed her, and for a moment all the doubts were pushed from his mind.  
  
*******  
  
Looking back now I guess I should have realized there was a point to all her questioning, that she wasn't just making small talk. What can I say, at the time I was to worried about how I was going to get out to bother with why she was so interested in me and my life.  
  
Sometimes I try to remember her. What she looked like, sounded like. I probably would have paid more attention if I'd known how important she was going to be in my life. That she was going to give me one of the last pieces to the puzzle.  
  
All I know is she was there, and she told me exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it.  
  
Even now I wonder what the hell she was thinking about while staring up at the sky. I only spoke to her once, but the conversation is imprinted in my mind.  
  
I still want to know what made her so sure about me. What made her chose me, I mean she had to see something. People don't just do what she did after only one conversation.  
  
I often wish I could talk to her just one more time. Not to scream and yell like a used to want to, but to ask her why. Why me? What made me so special? What had I said or done?  
  
I guess I'll never know, and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't really matter.  
  
A/N Okay you know what to do know. Let me know what you think. 


	3. Cry baby

A/N Thanks again Smile1, Punkcatwitissues, and thanks Poodernite (interesting name)  
  
I rewrote this chapter, it just felt off to me so I changed some things and added some things. Let me know what you think.  
  
Jess slowly opened his eyes, squinting against the bright light coming through the window. He didn't know when he'd fallen asleep but he'd obviously been sitting up, and as a result his back and neck were killing him, uncomfortable didn't begin to describe how he was feeling.  
  
Note to self: Never sleep sitting up.  
  
Jess put his hands to the floor and pushed himself up, wincing at the pain that shot up his spine. He hadn't been in this much pain sense he and his friend Jake had camped out for concert tickets, only to reach the front of the line and find they were sold out. Talk about a waste of time.  
  
He winced once more as another pain raced up his spine. He defiantly needed a new place to stay, preferably with a bed. Jess turned his wrist, glancing at his watch, and groaned, 10:30, he wasn't sure if he was upset about how early it was or how late it was. Picking up his bag he threw a glance to where he'd last seen Brenna, she was gone. He didn't know what he expected, but what he hadn't expected was the slight feeling of disappointment.  
  
Jess was no stranger to disappointment, at the age of seven, after his mother had forgotten his birthday –A slight oversight, she claimed- but she somehow managed to remember the date she had made earlier that day.  
  
He'd stood at her bedroom door, as she got ready for her date, watched her put of jewelry, sprits on some perfume, and fluff her hair. Then there had been a knock on the door, she'd ruffled his hair and told him to be good, then left. Deep down he'd really thought she'd stoop, thought she'd tell him it was just a joke, but she hadn't.  
  
Before that moment he'd always been able to convince himself that his mom was just forgetful, that she really did care, but after she'd walked out he couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't get rid of the voice in the back of his mind telling him that his mother didn't love him, that he didn't matter.  
  
After that he'd vowed not to depend on anyone, or put his trust in anyone. There was no point in caring; they always wound up leaving of forgetting. Although he had made that promise to himself he had a problem following through. He'd broken that rule more times than he could count, he'd let Luke it, he'd let Rory in, and for a brief period of time his father, and where had that left him? Alone in an abandoned apartment building.  
  
Shoving his disappointment roughly aside Jess swung his bag over his shoulder, ignoring the twinge in his neck, and made for the door. He needed food, and a shower. He was at the door when he heard something that froze the blood in his veins. A baby. A baby crying, but not just any baby, Aldora.  
  
Yeah, I know. It wasn't what I expected either.  
  
I don't know how long I stood at that door, seconds? Minutes? Hours? I couldn't move, I was paralyzed. I just stood there, hand on the doorknob, heartbeat pounding, drowning out everything else. The next thing I knew there was a pounding on the door and a shout, ordering me to 'Shut that kid the fuck up.'  
  
I can't begin to explain the fear that griped me in that moment as I moved slowly towards Aldora. I just knew. Brenna had gone, leaving Aldora behind, and she wasn't coming back. Although knowing something and admitting something are two very different things. What can I say; denial is a nice place to live.  
  
Anyway, I stayed a second night, I guess a part of me wasn't ready to admit what the rest of me knew, Brenna was gone, and no matter how long I hoped and waited she wasn't coming back.  
  
A/N Leave a review or e-mail me and let me know what you think about the changes. 


	4. Abandonment

A/N Hey, I'm back. I want thank Cellardoor for your sweet review. I glade you like this story so much, and the name Aldora. I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
  
Jess had always been a light sleeper, fire alarms, car alarms, alarm clocks, yelling, car horns, school bells, Luke; he could sleep through them all. One thing he couldn't sleep through: Baby crying, it was loud an annoying, it had a sound that was all its own, it just rubbed him the wrong way.  
  
Although, it was probably a good thing that it was so obnoxious, if it sounded good or was pleasant to listen to how many people would get up for a 2am feeding. But that was just it, he wasn't a parent, he'd never fathered any children –thank god- some woman he had barely known a day had decided to dump her baby on him, and presently, said baby was crying.  
  
With a groan that made his displeasure clear Jess forced himself into a seated position and turned to Aldora, who was wailing away in her car seat. Jess reached for the bag Brenna had left, pulled it into his lap and started digging around for a bottle. Once the bottle was in hand Jess set the bag on the floor, followed by the bottle, then pushed the handle of the car seat down and lifted Aldora carefully out. -After a brief choking incident, which had scared the shit out of him, Jess had decided it was better to hold her while she ate than leave her in the car seat.  
  
Once Aldora had the bottle firmly in her mouth she quieted down, and at once set to eating. Jess watched as she sucked down the formula, he'd never seen anyone eat so passionately, it was kind of amusing. His amusement however was short lived once her remembered why he was there, holding her. Brenna.  
  
As Jess looked down at Aldora –Whose sucking had slowed as her lids drooped over her bright blue eyes- and a pain shot through him. She had no idea how much had happened to her already in her short life. Her father ran off, and her mother had run away too, leaving her with a complete stranger. Jess felt rage welling up inside him and had Aldora not been sleeping peacefully in his arms there may have been a fist-sized hole in the wall. He couldn't believe it, barely four months old and her parents had already decided she wasn't good enough to stick around for, and now he was going to leave too, because at no point did keeping her become an option, and that just made him feel guilty. He was abandoning her just like everyone else

_8888888888_

_When I was holding Aldora in that house I thought I knew whom I was angry at. It was simple, I was made at her father for abandoning Brenna, and I was mad a Brenna for abandoning Aldora, but now looking back I guess I was mad at my parents to, because even though I didn't want to I saw the similarities in Aldora's life and mine. I guess I was a little mad at myself too, because even though my mother had given up on me she had sent me to Stars Hollow, and that could have been my second chance, but I was too stupid and afraid to take it. I'd been abandoned one too may times to let those people completely in. And I was mad at myself because I was turning around and doing what had been done to me so many times. I was abandoning Aldora, and no matter how much I tried to tell myself that she was a baby, not even my baby, it didn't make me feel any less guilty. I felt like the worst combination of Jimmy, Liz, Aldora's father, and Brenna.  
  
It took me a while to understand why Brenna did what she did –even after her letter- but I like to think after the past eleven years I have some understanding of why she made the choice she did. It couldn't have been easy for her to give up her baby, but she saw a chance for Aldora to have more, and she took it. I still don't get why it was me that could give her more, but I'm glade.  
  
I'd like to say that I also gained some understanding of my parents, but I can't. Sure I talk to Jimmy occasionally, but the past isn't really something we discuss, we just ignore it, like it never happened, and I guess that's why we can never seem to get any closer. I want answers and he doesn't want to give them. As for Liz, well I don't think anyone will understand her, but we are closer than we were. I can stand to be around her now, and I put up with T.J.  
  
A/N Okay, let me know what you think_.


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